Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
