toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
