We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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