That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
