Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
