You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize