The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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