she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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