I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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