I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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