dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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