I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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