Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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