It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
