I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
