Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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