He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
