hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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