Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
