I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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