bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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