plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
