"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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