my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
