I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
