my mouth tastes like poor choices
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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