just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
