pop tarts are not kleenex
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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