How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
