So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner