Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null