I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air