Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.