Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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