You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
