What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
