I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
