hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
