I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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