Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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