weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just gift wrapped bread.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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