Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
