She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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