I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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