The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
