wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
