I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize