Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
