his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
