so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
