around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
