you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
