The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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