Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
