I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
