you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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