Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
