im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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