I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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