i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
