He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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