Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
