I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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