I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
