I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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