i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
