her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
