Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
