After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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