Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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