So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
