i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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