I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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